7 Vulnerable Things To Know About Infertility

by | Aug 1, 2020

Helpful Insights to Understand Your Loved Ones in Their Struggles

Infertility. That word alone brings up all kinds of emotions and thoughts.

Trying to understand infertility when you’re not going through it yourself? Nearly impossible.

According to the CDC, around 12 % of couples in the United States struggle with infertility.

That rounds out to about 1 in 8 couples. 1 in 8.

So around 6.7 million people each year have trouble conceiving.

That’s a lot of people hurting, grieving, and experiencing pain.

Most people know someone who has, or is currently going through infertility. It can be very tricky on relationships.

What do you say when you’re pregnant again and your sister has yet to have a healthy pregnancy?

Should you announce it at Thanksgiving? What if you hurt her feelings?

Walking through infertility myself, I’ve seen the hesitancy on my friends’ faces to share their pregnancy news with me.

People get tongue-tied and they don’t know what to say, so many times they say nothing.

Bottom line, navigating infertility with friends and family can be super challenging.

But understanding infertility takes a lot of compassion, patience, grace, and long-suffering.

Because infertility is so common, I thought it would be helpful to put together a list to help people better understand what it’s like to walk through it.

There’s a lot we can learn from one another!

*This article contains affiliate links which means I may make a small commission from any items that you purchase.

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1. Infertility Is Complicated

A key to understanding infertility is to first realize that it’s very complicated.

The word infertility encompasses so much more than just not being able to get pregnant.

For some women, they are able to get pregnant but are unable to carry the pregnancy to term.

Multiple miscarriages. Stillbirths. Many babies in heaven.

For other women, they have already had a baby, but struggle to conceive again.

They try and try but their hope is never realized. Secondary infertility.

And for some, they are never able to conceive for one reason or another. There can be issues with the woman or the man, or both.

Did you know there is even a term called unexplained infertility?

It’s complicated.

I share this because there are many people out there who haven’t experienced this journey, but know someone who has.

It’s helpful to understand some of what it’s like, so that you can meet your friends and family with compassion and kindness in their struggles.

2. It’s Their Story

If you want to get better at understanding infertility, it’s important to recognize how different every situation is.

No two stories are the same.

Infertility is very personal and private. And every woman is different. Every story unique.

Some will choose to be an open book and share their whole life story, every grief, loss and struggle. They share it all. Good choice.

Another person may be very hesitant to share her story and choose to say very little, if anything at all. Another good choice.

Both women are completely right in their choices and should be treated with the utmost respect.

Why are they both right?

Because it’s their story to share.

Understanding infertility encompasses respecting people’s privacy throughout the journey and knowing that they may not share very many details with you.

It’s not your story to hear in order to get all the details so that it makes sense to you.

Meet others with compassion and be grateful for anything they choose to share about their journey.

Consider it a privilege that someone would trust you enough to share about the sadness, grief, and loss.

And just listen.

“Infertility is very personal and private.

And every woman is different.

Every story unique.”

3. Just Listen

Want to grow in understanding infertility? A great place to start is by listening.

As inherently selfish people, more often than not, we sit through conversations just waiting for a chance to chime in.

Are we even listening to what they’re saying?

I am so guilty of this.

Active listening is definitely a habit that requires a lot of self-control and practice.

I have found that some of my friends and family don’t know what to say or how to react if I’m sharing about my infertility struggles.

Rather than choosing to just listen, some of them say whatever comes to their mind or think that I’m asking for advice.

In general, sometimes it’s just nice to be heard.

To know that someone cares about you enough to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly with no judgment can be life-giving.

Someone you can count on to be with you through it all…that’s a real friend.

If you have a friend who is currently struggling with infertility, ask yourself these questions:

             Have I asked her how she’s doing lately?

             When she talks to me, am I actively listening to her?

             Do I offer unsolicited advice and try to fix her problems?

             How can I meet her with compassion in her struggle?

Regardless of what you do, try to be a great listener!

Even though infertility is very common, it still can feel like you’re alone.

4. Infertility Is Very Isolating

Another truth to infertility is that the journey is very isolating.

This is a big one for me personally.

I have felt alone or left out many times with friends and family.

Even though infertility is very common, it still can feel like you’re alone.

With social media allowing people to blast out all of their good news left and right, having my newsfeed filled with pregnancy announcements, gender reveal parties, and newborn baby photos can be very overwhelming.

There was even a period of time when I took a long Facebook break because the newsfeed wasn’t good for my heart and mind. It caused a lot of discontentment and jealousy in my heart.

Everyone has different triggers, and Facebook was that for me.

It doesn’t mean that those of us who struggle are incapable of being happy for our fruitful friends and family members.

Sometimes the reality of everyone around you getting pregnant in the midst of your own “failed” attempts is just a hard pill to swallow.

Maybe some of you are thinking, Why is infertility so isolating if it’s so common?

It just is.

Here are two different scenarios that illustrate the idea.

Scenario 1: Heather is hanging out for a girls’ night, appearing to be having a great time. But on the inside she is cringing at every comment about pregnancy, birth plans, nursery décor, baby milestones, baby shower plans, etc.

She loves her friends and is very happy for them, but is struggling because she just suffered her third miscarriage.

Afraid of disrupting the happy mood with her own grief, she puts on a happy face and bottles her emotions for the evening.

Once she gets home, she breaks down crying to her husband.

“No one understands what I’m going through! This is so unfair! What is wrong with my body? I just want to have a freaking baby!”

Isolating.  

Scenario 2: It’s Christmas at the in-laws and everyone arrives with their happy faces, warm greetings, and gifts!

Katie has been dreading the evening, complaining to her husband about the obnoxious relatives that will be there and the incessant questions from her mother-in-law about when they’re going to start a family.

She can’t handle anymore kid comments.

They’ve been married for 5 years, so apparently kids are in the cards now.

Katie and Jeff have seen all the specialists and just received the label of unexplained infertility.

They’re both 30. How is that even possible?

Being very private people, they have chosen not to share their story.

Katie agrees to go, does her small talk, and tries to dodge any kid-related questions.

By the time they get back home, she falls on the bed, emotionally and physically exhausted.

Jeff is concerned and asks if she’s okay only to be met with, “I’m tired. I just want to go to bed.”

Isolating.

Those are just two examples of probably thousands more like that.

If you are currently going through infertility and feeling isolated and alone, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

There are lots of Facebook groups and other online support groups filled with women going through similar struggles. Find one and get connected.

Know that you are not alone in this!

When you’re going through something difficult, having someone validate your pain and struggles makes you feel less crazy.

You’ve made it through over half of this article and you’re still here! You should reward yourself by checking out one of these 2 great books!

One deals with wanting to come alongside others in their suffering, and the other one is about dealing with infertility with a hope-filled perspective. Both are INCREDIBLE! They make great gifts for friends and family too.

Just Show Up: The Dance Of Walking Through Suffering Together by Kara Tippets and Jill Lynn Buteyn

Longing For Motherhood: Holding On To Hope In The Midst Of Childlessness by Chelsea Patterson Sobolik

5. Some Comments are Unhelpful

A big part of a woman’s infertility journey is having to endure lots of unhelpful comments. I’m totally not joking.

People can have the best intentions in what they’re saying even when it comes across as hurtful.

It seems that more often than not, silence isn’t golden and people try to fill the awkwardness with words to try and help.

Consequently, many comments are very unhelpful and can come across as unfeeling, unkind or some kind of platitude that’s supposed to make everyone feel better.

News Flash! It doesn’t help!

Here are a few examples:

“At least you have one kid.”

“You’ll save a lot of money not having any kids.”

“I guess it’s God’s will that those babies didn’t make it.”

“You could always foster or adopt.”

“You have each other, that’s all you need.”

“We have three kids and didn’t try for any of them!”

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the good intentions behind these comments. I have actually said some of these myself.

But having been on the receiving end of some of these, I have found that they are not helpful or encouraging.

I absolutely know that it could be God’s will that Addie is our only biological child.

I know we can foster or adopt.

We are actually halfway through our adoption that we started back in 2013.

Through circumstances outside of our control, we haven’t been able to complete our adoption.

Trust me. If there was a way for us to grow our family right now, we would be doing that.

But right now it seems like the Lord is asking us to wait on His timing.

To those of you with helpful, compassionate hearts, please know that your intentions and kindness are appreciated.

But sometimes just being there and offering a hug or just your presence, is all that’s really needed.

Other Helpful Infertility Articles:

62 Comments Women HATE Hearing About Their Infertility

Infertility Awareness Week 2021: An Open Letter To Every Woman Struggling

5 Tips For Infertility: Skip The Painful Baby Showers!

6. Validate Their Pain

Understanding infertility requires validating someone’s pain and showing them you recognize the journey is painful, difficult, and emotional.

Just like a counselor would do.

In any kind of counseling session most of the talking is not done by the counselor, it’s done by the client.

Why?

Counselors are masters at listening and allowing space for their clients to work out their thoughts, feelings, past experiences, etc.

They are also excellent at asking questions.

Those questions help the client dig deep and get to the baggage that’s been buried for years.

They help unearth all the yuck, bringing it to the surface so that it can finally be dealt with.

And they validate their pain.

The client feels heard and understood. It can be life-giving.

Do you have a friend struggling with infertility? The next time they choose to share anything with you about their journey, ask them some follow up questions.

Examples of Good Questions:

             How have things been lately?

             How are you feeling about everything?

             What has social media been like for you?

             Is there a specific way I can help you right now?

             How can I pray for you?

I think no matter the struggle, people want to be heard.

They appreciate hearing things like “I’m so sorry you’re walking through this,” or “I’m sorry that this is so hard.”

When you’re going through something difficult, having someone validate the struggle and pain makes you feel less crazy.

It’s nice to know that people care and understand that what you’re going through is difficult, even if they’ve never been through it themselves.

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7. Grief and Joy Can Coexist

For some reason we have this idea in society that grief and joy are mutually exclusive. They can’t coexist.

I beg to differ.

Understanding infertility needs to include the concept that grief and joy can coexist.

For example, there have been times when I have genuinely been excited for a friend’s new baby.

I’ve brought over a gift, cooked a meal, visited them at the hospital, taken pictures, all the things. Happiness and joy all around.

But in the midst of the joy, grief can rear its ugly head.

My mind can whirl with thoughts like:

Why are all my pregnancy tests negative?

Will Addie be our only child?

How come I have friends that keep having baby after baby, and I can’t even get pregnant a second time?

Am I the most selfish person ever that I’m thinking about my empty womb while I’m watching my friend hold her newborn?

A collision of feelings.

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced such polarizing emotions in the same moment.

One minute you can be hugging and smiling for photos with your sister and your new niece, and the next moment you can be in the bathroom crying.

Grief and joy.

God has given us both of these emotions.

There are plenty of joyful moments in the Bible as well as lots of lamenting and sadness. It’s healthy to allow yourself to experience both.

Just like you want others to validate your feelings, it’s important to be honest with yourself and allow your heart and mind the space to grieve.

Although it will be painful to feel those feelings, it’s overall very healthy for you in the long run.

There may soon be joy on the horizon, even if it looks different than you thought.

We can dwell on things we know to be true, like who God is and what He has done.

Some Encouragement

If you’re reading this article and not on the infertility journey, thank you for taking the time to read this.

Understanding infertility can be tricky, but the fact that you are willing to learn about hard things and step into someone else’s painful shoes for a tiny bit, speaks volumes to your compassion and kindness.

For all of you fellow sisters who are currently walking this journey of infertility, I am so sorry that it’s been hard.

I’m praying for strength, peace, patience, and great hope as you continue to put one foot in front of the other.

In Scripture it says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34)

Anther verse says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” (Luke 12:25)

It’s true.

Worrying never makes a situation better. It just exacerbates the issues in our minds and hearts and makes us even more anxious.

How many times have you worried for hours about a situation and then felt energized and confident that the situation would work itself out?

Probably never.

I can think of specific times where I’ve been in bed at night with my hand over my belly praying that the Lord would fulfill my desire to conceive.

Sometimes I was bold and confident in my prayer, other times I was wrecked with worry and uncertainty.

Nighttime can be a playground for our worries.

So if dwelling on uncertainties and worries doesn’t help, what are things we should be thinking about?

How can we help our weary hearts?

We can dwell on things we know to be true, like who God is and what He has done.

In my journey with infertility, it has helped tremendously to read Scripture and focus on God’s character and His promises, two things I know to be true and unchanging.

A constant.

Here are a few truths that help anchor my heart and mind when I struggle to find my footing:

Those are just a few gems in Scripture that have helped me in my struggle.

I hope they encourage your heart in your journey.

I believe God is writing a beautiful story for your life and your family, even if you can’t see it now.

You can trust Him. He is good and faithful. And He loves you more than you know.

I’ll leave you with this quote from John Piper, who himself has walked the journey of grief in his life more than once.

Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.” ~John Piper  

Lots of love to each of you!

~ Lisa

87 Comments

  1. Sarah Althouse

    Yah, “It”ll happen when it’s the right time” I’d chalk up as the least helpful during that time!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Totally agree! Sometimes it’s better to just hug someone and not say “I’m sorry it’s hard for you,” than to try anything else. Just show up and be there for someone!

  2. Tanya

    Thanks for the amazing post. I’m always shocked at people when they ask invasive questions or make inappropriate comments to couples who don’t have children.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      The comments and questions are out of control!

  3. Emma Lisa

    I had two miscarriages before and between my two kids. I was devo!! Fertility and conceiving is a miracle and so personal. I’m so glad you shared this!! Women need to hear it, thank you!! xx

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m so sorry for the losses of your babies. I cannot imagine! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. You’re right, fertility and conceiving is a miracle! Every baby born is so special.

  4. Sarah Styf

    Oh my goodness, yes! While we now have two children, the wait for our first child was long and painful and it is so hard to explain to people all of the emotions and baggage that comes with it. I vowed to talk about it openly so that more people understand that the journey isn’t as simple as many want to believe.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Yes! Infertility is so complicated, and every woman’s journey is very unique. I think the more comfortable we are with talking and sharing about our journey, the more others can learn from us. We just have to be willing! Thanks for commenting. =)

  5. Christi

    I have been there too and it is a very isolating feeling. Hopefully your post will help others going through this as well. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m so sorry you’ve walked this journey too. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Blessings!

  6. Tasha Gervais

    I like how you emphasize that sometimes just listening is the best thing to do. I think with situations like these we often feel pressure to immediately “say something!” but that doesn’t mean we should, because what comes out may not be helpful. Listening is so important!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Totally agree Tasha! Truly listening to someone is one of the best gifts we can give as a friend.

  7. FemmAllure

    This is such an amazing read. I have a friend going through the same and I know I might be guilty of using words of encouragement that are not so encouraging.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I appreciate your desire to share. Knowledge is power and you will be a better friend to other women in your life by your willingness to learn about their struggles. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!

  8. Colette Zaharko

    Your post made me think a lot. I have been blessed with children, but my sister was not. She was able to get pregnant, but she could not carry the pregnancy to term; she had multiples miscarriages and stillbirths. It was so hard for her and our family. One time after she lost her baby, she was very depressed, so to make her feel better, I said that she could try to adopt. That comment made her feel even worse, and I felt terrible I had to apologize to her. All she wanted was for me to listen and validate her pain; she didn’t need that kind of comment at that moment.
    After maybe 12 years later, she conceived two beautiful children, and we were all so happy for her. What really helped her was her faith and trust in God. She had every reason to be mad at God, but she didn’t. She says that God’s timing is not the same as our timing, and that is so true. I am so proud of my sister; she is my hero. I named one of my daughters after her.
    Infertility is a tough thing, and I always try my best to understand each woman who’s going through it. I love your post; it gives me a better understanding of infertility. I am going to share it so more people will know.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story and for letting people know what infertility is about. I am praying for you and your family.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Colette, thanks so much for reading this post with an open and teachable heart. Your words were so encouraging. I’m glad you were able to be there for your sister and that her faith in God has seen her through some tough times. Thanks for reaching out and for your willingness to share this post with others. I think it’s such an important and powerful message! Thank you for your prayers for my family. =)

  9. Komal

    This is such an informative post. I know a couple of my friends went through infertility so all I can do is listen and be there for them. Thanks for sharing and speaking up for those couples. 💙

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m so glad you enjoyed this post and found it informative. Thank you for taking the time to read, learn, and comment. =)

  10. Tina

    Thank you for sharing! This is so raw, honest, and real. I hope it helps other mamas out there.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m hoping it helps other mamas too. Please share it with other ladies who you know would benefit from this message!

  11. Amanda

    I can’t imagine having to go through this . Thank you for sharing , one of my friends went through this , it can be heartbreaking

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Heartbreaking is a good word to describe this journey. Thanks for your compassion and desire to learn more!

  12. Leah

    I just love this post. I love how transparent you are and how you’ve shared your story and thoughts throughout. I also love your faith in God through everything! I will be praying for you, your family, the adoption process, fertility… you’re amazing! Also, I appreciate the love toward counselors since I am a counselor. 😊

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks Leah! I didn’t know you were a counselor, I’m sure you’re fantastic! I really appreciate your kind words of encouragement and your prayers!

  13. Sharila

    Thank you for sharing this! I wish people did not feel so comfortable asking questions like “when are you having kids” just because you’re married. Lol if/when I have them, you’ll know.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Sometimes if we would just take a few seconds before speaking, we could save ourselves and others a lot of awkward moments.

  14. Sarah

    Yes to all! I struggled with infertility. I have PCOS and also had some losses (including a stillbirth). I did fertility treatment to get pregnant with my rainbow daughter. I understand the struggles of it all too well. And yes, sometimes people just do not know what to say, so they say unhelpful things. I am sorry that you know the struggle of infertility as well <3

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m so glad you were gifted your rainbow baby. What a blessing! It’s unfortunate that the struggle of infertility and loss is so familiar to so many women. I’m sorry that you’ve been on this journey as well.

  15. Sarah

    This is a fantastic post! I love that you’re encouraging both active listening and validation. It’s so true that often, that’s exactly what is needed. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks Sarah for your kind words. I feel like if we were better at active listening, we would understand each other better.

    • Amanda

      I really love these insights . I like the perspective given . Thank you for sharing this !

    • Lisa

      Thanks so much Amanda for taking the time to read and give feedback. Glad you appreciated the insights.

  16. Susanne

    Wow. Truly touched by your heartfelt story. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have been wanting to read personal stories on this subject for quite some time. I guess it was meant to be that I now stumbled upon this post. I especially love the paragraph ‘grief and joy can coexist’. How helpful to have included all these questions, too. Heaps of insightful info. Love, Susanne

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks so much for your comment Susanne. God’s timing is perfect. I’m glad you came across this post at just the right time for you to be encouraged.

  17. Andra

    Very interesting topic, thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Glad you enjoyed it Andra!

  18. Sabina Dvorakova

    Thank you for this great post. I love this topic. ♥

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!

  19. Tshire

    This is such a sensitive topic. And it’s amazing how many people still don’t understand how deeply it cuts through your heart when you can’t conceive. We still have people asking women “when they are getting a baby because their friends are already on baby no 2″…we still have to reach a point where we will understand and be compassionate to those who can’t conceive.
    Thanks for sharing this post

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Appreciate your kind words. I guess knowledge is power, and also compassion when it comes to being able to walk alongside others in difficult times.

  20. Laura

    Very nice reflection. When I was going through a time of grieving, I similarly found that many people would kind of accidentally say things that were very unhelpful. I tried to take the same approach as you, remembering that they are intending to be helpful but are just missing the mark.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Totally agree Laura! When it comes to awkward comments and taking those in, the best thing to do is show grace.

  21. Katherine

    It was very isolating bc we couldn’t talk to anyone about it. When we tried, people just didn’t understand, and we would get stupid comments like “you’re just not trying hard enough” or “you need to be more sexy”. All of which were not a solution or helpful. After we realized people didn’t understand it was a real problem we kept to ourselves about it for years. When we finally succeeded after years of treatment everyone was shocked that we even wanted kids as we had never talked about it. Thanks for sharing this list!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks Katherine. I’m so sorry the journey of infertility is all too familiar to you and your husband. I’m thankful that your family grew, in God’s perfect timing. We are hoping to grow our family through adoption in the very near future. =)

  22. Misskorang

    This is beautiful ad painful. May God heal every hurting heart and show us all his salvation.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks for your kind words!

  23. Shawntae

    Beautifully written. I loved the emphasis on active listening, an art form that is all too common; uncommon. I find that people often want to offer advice and fix problems of the people close to them because it’s uncomfortable sitting in pain with someone but it’s one of the kindest gifts we can give to someone.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Active listening, such a powerful gift to others. Totally agree! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Shawntae.

  24. Shala

    Thank you for this! I think this is a very important post. Though I don’t know whether I am infertile or not (I haven’t tried to get pregnant), I’m up in age (almost 40) so if there is ever a time in the future I would want to try I know it probably won’t be in the cards for me from a biological standpoint and that is tough to think about.

    curatingstories.com

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Whatever your journey entails to having children, I wish you all the best and pray for God’s guidance and wisdom. We hope to grow our family through adoption in the very near future. Thanks for commenting Shala!

  25. Carrie Pankratz

    This is an important post. Thank you for sharing honestly about the hurt that can be caused by well-intentioned comments. It took us much longer than we expected to have our first child. Friend after friend was getting pregnant and it was devastating for me. I struggled to put on a happy face each time another person would tell me they were expecting… again. I truly was happy for them, but it also made me question myself and question God. All I wanted in life was to be a mom and it wasn’t happening. It was almost 15 years ago, but reading this made it feel like it was yesterday. I appreciate your words about wanting someone to say “I’m sorry that this is so hard” or “I’m so sorry that you are going through this” It really is all that you can say… and then just be there to listen. I’m praying for you as you struggle through this difficult season.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks Carrie for your encouragement! I totally agree that just showing up and being there for someone, and validating their pain, speaks louder than any kind of advice or platitude. Grateful that God blessed you with your 2 sons, and I appreciate the prayers as we seek God’s wisdom on growing our family. We are hoping to complete our adoption sometime in the next couple years. We will see what God does!

  26. mytravelatte

    Thank you for sharing this kind of sensitive topic particularly for women.This is so informative.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Blessings!

  27. Adriane

    2011 was the worst year of my life for this reason. I was terrified it would never work out. So glad to be out of that phase, but it was impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel when I was in it.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Adriane, I’m so sorry that you’ve been on this journey and had to struggle. I’m thankful to know that those awful times are behind you. It’s such a hard thing to go through! Thanks for taking the time to read and share about your own journey.

  28. Angela Fry

    All of these things! I felt all of these things while going through infertility treatments. Thanks so much for sharing your words.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Angela, I’m glad you were encouraged by this post! I’m sorry that you’ve had to navigate infertility and pray that you’re able to encourage other women who find themselves on a similar path. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

    • taffy

      Thank you so much for speaking out about it. This helps me a lot to be much kinder to my family and friends going through it. This was an eye opener because sometimes we do not listen to others and comfort them in the kindest way. May the Lord make it happen in due time.

    • Lisa

      Thanks Taffy! I’m so glad you found this article helpful and insightful. Thanks for your prayers and well wishes!

  29. Jessica | Babble Mama Babble Blog

    I really love that you put this blog post out there! So many more people need to understand this. It is so important to realize that you can’t understand unless it’s happening to you.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks for your kind words Jessica! I hope more and more people are able to read this so we can all grow in our understanding and show more compassion towards those who are struggling.

  30. Jessica

    First off, thank you for your transparency relating to infertility. Secondly, I think you did a wonderful job presenting your thoughts and feelings regarding this subject. I learned a lot and hope to be more supportive from here on out of individuals and families struggling with infertility.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks for your kind words Jessica! I’m so glad you took the time to read the article and that you learned a lot about being supportive to others walking the journey of infertility. Blessings!

  31. Phyllis I Turner

    My husband and I struggled with infertility for eight years and finally gave up on having a second child. We drove ourselves into such unimaginable debt as treatments were not covered by our insurance at that time. It was the longest, most heartbreaking eight years of our lives. The worst part of it was watching our only son cry for a little brother or little sister. We heard every single one of the thoughtless comments that you mentioned in your post and it was a brutal time for all of us. I don’t wish infertility on anyone!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve walked this journey too. It’s so difficult. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on something that’s close to your heart, yet also very painful. That takes courage!

  32. Stacee

    I’ve had my own issues with infertility so I know how scary it can be. I’m grateful for people like you who bring this topic to light.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m sorry that infertility has been a part of your story. I’m thankful that in the midst of the struggle we can lean on others who have been down the same road. There’s power in community!

  33. Marcella

    Lisa,

    Thank you, and I’m proud of you for sharing your struggle and for the advice you give in helping others better understand how to be supportive to those going through the struggle of infertility. This struggle and your advice can be applied to so many other struggles that people are going through not specifically exclusive to infertility. It’s so helpful to be aware and reminded that we are not alone in our struggles whatever they may be. Knowing there are others and that Christ himself, our great high priest, has been through and understands our deepest emotions whether it’s loss or joy. In this life we are truly all in this together. Thank you too for mentioning some encouraging words from Pastor John Piper. I listen to him regularly at desiringgod.org. The word of God is of course perfect and supreme to meet us head on and light our way, but it is wonderful to have those blessed and called by God in a special way to help us along our spiritual journey with God. Much love, blessings, and peace to you as you continue your journey with God’s mighty hand upon and uplifting you and his loving arms around you.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thank you for your kind words Marcella! I’m so glad you were encouraged by the article.

  34. Kathy

    Beautifully worded, Lisa. You’re so right about nighttime being a playground for worry! Thanks for sharing your precious heart!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks Kathy for your encouraging words!

    • Katie

      My handsome and I know the feeling of loss. We had 2 miscarriages before having our 1st and then another miscarriage before our 2nd daughter. It hurts but I’ve also found out that this happens to more people then just us. As we find out friends who just had a miscarriage, we can relate and give them that support they need to help heal. We know the feelings they are feeling and it helps them be able to talk about it more then just locking the emotions away.

    • Lisa

      I’m so sorry for your losses Katie and that you and your husband have had to walk that road. I’m thankful to hear that God has blessed you with 2 children! It’s amazing to me that when you go through hard times, how often you’re able to use your own knowledge and struggles to encourage and empathize with others.

  35. Melinda

    Thank you for sharing this with me! I know the Lord will use your journey and testimony to bless and encourage many ❤️

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks Melinda! I appreciate you taking the time to read it and for your encouraging words.

  36. Anonymous

    I appreciate you sharing this information.

    Reply
  37. Lea McDonald

    Lisa,
    This is a very powerful blog. When you were in my fifth grade class I knew you were very special. Sharing your life, struggles you have and are having, and encouraging others,just proves how Special you are.
    Love always.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks Mrs. McD! I appreciate your kinds words and encouragement!

  38. Christine Kemp

    Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your story and thoughts. I now have a better understanding how to love on those who are struggling with infertility. God bless you for your transparency.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I’m so glad you found this article helpful Chris! You have such a heart to learn, grow, and care for others. Please pass it along to others who you think would benefit! Appreciate you!

  39. Jessica Crozier

    What encouraging words, friend! This is a useful article for anyone walking through any sort of grief as well as the friends walking alongside them. I’m grateful for a resource to refer to and to pass along to friends!

    Reply
    • Nancy Trattner

      Wow. What a beautifully written testimonial Lisa. It does not surprise me you are reaching out to other women – even in your own struggles. God bless you.

    • Lisa

      Thanks for the encouragement Nancy, and for taking the time to read it! Blessings to you and your family.

    • Lisa

      Thanks Jess! I appreciate you taking the time to read it and pass it along to those in your life that need to hear this message of hope.

  40. Leslie Dickens

    So True! I have been apart of this on my end as well and can totally relate. Very well said for this article! ❤️ Praying for all that have to walk through this journey.

    Reply
    • Lisa

      Thanks for your kind words Leslie! It’s nice to have a friend who has been down the same road and who knows how much it means to be encouraged along the way!

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